By Danita Morales Ramos, PhD
You’re not broken. And even if you were, remember Broken Crayons Still Color. The idea of brokenness plagues many people. To the point they start to label themselves, as I share in this TikTok video. If you embrace the fact that your experiences and you overcoming those experiences haven’t broken you but shaped you, you will improve your quality of life.
I realize many will find this hard to do because for most, it is easier to play victim than it is to take control. You don’t have to color in the lines. In the following passages, I share with you how people try to color in the lines. Let me begin with a word you may be familiar with–self-esteem.
Self-esteem is the belief that you are capable of success in life. It’s important to have high self-esteem since it gives you the confidence to pursue your goals. However, some people have low self-esteem and struggle to feel good about themselves. They may relate themselves as an imposter, people pleaser, or perfectionist. They may say things like “I’m not good enough,” or “I feel like I’ll never get there.” These people may struggle with obsessing over their “past trauma”, body image, or fear of the unknown. What would be more helpful to their success is to let go of negative thoughts and not express these thoughts in words.
There is no way for one to impose on themselves. So, the concept of imposter syndrome is a self-fulfilling prophecy to all those who internalize it. If you got a promotion, and you believe you are an imposter then that will be your reality. If you believe you aren’t good enough, that too is your reality.
With the same mental energy, you spend not believing in yourself, you can empower yourself to take responsibility for your thoughts and your actions related to those thoughts. Instead of saying “I feel like I don’t belong here,” say “Though I may have experienced some challenges, I belong here. I have value.”
Additionally, saying things like “I feel like I’ll never get there.” There is a subjective place one holds in their mind. Rather, say “I’m taking action now to become _______” and fill in the blanket. One of my most common sayings is “Wherever you go, there you are.” If you go to a place of negativity, then THERE you are.
Last point, please stop blaming your parents, upbringing, trauma, or other external factors on your current situation. No one is to blame for your CURRENT state but you. Sure, you may be facing some difficult situations, but it is your thoughts about the situation that impact your results in those situations.
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